How could I be eighteen? I must be twenty-five. I was born in 1965. It is is now 1992, and in October I will be 26. I started counting backward in my dream. When I hit the ground my breasts flopped out of my tee shirt. I felt as if I had split open, divided. I was full, pregnant, about to burst. My legs trembled, and I needed to touch myself, but then I restrained my hand. 2. When I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, I remembered this cell. The walls were cinderblock. There was one window covered with paint from the outside. Lights flashed when I walked. I scratched another line on the floor with a nail I had found buried in the wall. I carefully put it back. I have been here for fifty days. I was surprised how deeply I felt pleasure not pain when my captor, the man called Abel, made me fuck him. I hoped that was a dream too, and as one, I could feel the skill of his hands. I was in his cross hairs he said. Reality surprises you more than dreams. He hit my head many times that first. I reached for my wine and when I did, she did as well, adjusting her seating stance to get a bit closer to me. She offered to clink my glass and said, “We can make this a very special Christmas for the both of us. We’re both alone and have no one. I’m not looking for a boyfriend, don’t get that idea. We both have needs, and Christmas is a time for sharing.”Before I could digest her words, she pressed her lips to mine and kissed me hard. I offered no resistance and kissed back introducing my tongue to her as my arm reached to pull her closer and her hand rested on my thigh. We continued the hard kiss until she broke the seal of our lips. Her hand stayed on my thigh and inched up a bit further.I was going to say something, but she put a finger to my lips and said, “I know where this is going, and I want this. Do you want the same thing?”I did a double –take and then felt myself giving in to her charms. “No strings, right?” I asked.“I ask you not to tell everyone.” She said and then.
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